As this work requires vulnerability and commitment, I share my story to offer a space where you can feel seen, safe, and inspired to begin your journey forward.
I created Marwa as a space for women to release the early roles imprinted on them, as a way to find their inner power and begin to write a new story - from a place of self-worth and inner-alignment. Creation of a new life far beyond their origin story.
From Survival Strategies
to Inner Alignment
Ashley noor, certified jungian coach + Shadow work guide
I was raised in a dysfunctional home below the poverty line with two younger siblings. By age five, I was put in the middle of my parents toxic marriage, managing my mother’s complex mental health disorder (BPD), while navigating my father’s behavior and rigid religious beliefs.
In that chaos, I learned to equate love with self-sacrifice, worth with over-functioning, and safety with being agreeable.
From childhood and thereafter, no matter where I went—school, relationships, work—I carried the belief that I was "less than others" because of my life's circumstances.
As an adaptive strategy, I built a polished "persona" - an outer mask to present to the world - striving to be perceived as high-achieving, nice and accommodating - and truthfully anything but my mother.
That persona helped me survive, and even fueled my success, but beneath it lived a distorted self-concept and an exhaustion beyond measure. I was operating at an unsustainable level, endlessly managing others, and numbing myself to cope.
I became a master of contortion, molding myself into whatever role I needed to be to keep the peace, be at the top of my game and please all around me.
Survival mode and dysregulation became my baseline and the place I mistakenly believed my value lived.
I was applauded for my self-abandonment and over-functioning, and the reinforcement helped me thrive. I wore my burnout like a badge of honor.
The Persona in the Making
What beliefs about how you need to be PERCEIVED are working against you?
HOW I NEEDED THE WORLD TO PERCEIVE ME
The easygoing one who was accommodating
The hyper-independent one with no needs
The strong, resilient one who “made it out”
The overachiever who could handle anything
The one who silenced truth to protect others
The perfectionist who could execute anything
The reliable, problem-solver
The fun-loving host who made others feel seen
The “nice girl” who kept everyone comfortable
CARRYING THAT PERSONA ACTUALLY MEANT
I was consumed by survival - caretaking for my family, struggling to stay afloat, and pushing past my limits at work.
I attracted partners who lacked emotional depth; distant, disloyal, and under-functioning - and I poured my energy into trying to fix them.
I had few to rely on, surrounding myself with people and places that mirrored my past, and I did not know how to ask for help.
Exhaustion and resentment were my baseline, hidden behind a smile, and driven by the need to belong.
I numbed myself and abandoned my own health and needs.
My controlling upbringing taught me to be agreeable to keep others comfortable — but at the cost of my own sense of self.
I poured myself into achievements and relationships, unknowingly recreating the very dynamics I had been fighting to escape since childhood.
No matter how much I worked, fixed, loved, or pleased, life kept mirroring the same story back to me - not because it was true - but because my unconscious survival strategies kept pulling me into the same type of dynamics, again and again.
life wasn't happening to me, I WAS THE CONDUCTOR OF MY OWN CHAOS
Transcending Pain to Purpose
if willing to let go, something new emerges
On a relentless quest to escape survival, I hit breaking point when I realized that my choices in love, work, and family were all reflections of what lived inside of me.
I turned inward with curiosity to begin to unravel the patterns - in hopes of making real change.
Then tragedy struck. Of all the things I had endured in this lifetime, never could I have imagined what was ahead of me.
One random day, I got the phone call that would forever change my life. My younger sister had passed away unexpectedly. There are no words that will ever do it justice. The pain - insurmountable.
Grief completely shattered everything I thought I knew to be true.
It was in that devastation that something deeper awakened. The illusion of control completely crumbled, and for the first time ever, I slowly stopped abandoning myself.
From the depths of pain came purpose — and from that reckoning, a rebirth.
"it's always darkest before the dawn" ~ Florence + the machine
In Loving Memory of MARWA
Marwa symbolically represents the "Mountain," and it is named in honor of my younger sister, Erica Marwa Marie, who tragically passed away at 34.
Her life was marked by unimaginable hardships, yet even as she carried a heaviness within, she radiated a light that uplifted others.
I didn’t know it then, but I now understand that my sister and I were reflections of each other’s Shadow.
We adapted to our childhood in opposite ways - unconsciously creating personas that helped us survive, while mirroring back the disowned shadow parts of ourselves in one another - and triggering each other in that reflection.
I shaped myself into someone who was composed, controlled, people-pleasing, and overly responsible.
She became chaotic, carefree, rebellious, and unafraid to speak her mind. I tried to hold it all together; she let it all spill out.
Her expression to the world was colored in the very qualities I worked so hard to contain, just as mine embodied the ones she could not hold.
Together, we danced in the duality that lives within us all - the inner conflict - the unseen war of opposites - between what we allow ourselves to express to the world to be accepted, and what we bury deep inside.
In losing her, I came face-to-face with the very parts of myself I spent a lifetime trying to escape.
And in the depths of my grief, I found the courage to slowly, intentionally, bring those parts into the light—a journey towards individuation.
A rebirth of her spirit, woven into my own shadow integration.
The freedom we seek - the full expression of our light - lies hidden within the layers of our story and in the parts of ourselves we unknowingly repress.
It is my deepest hope that through this work, I can honor my sister and the life we endured - not only by carrying her light forward, but by helping others uncover their own.
Ashley Noor
MY JOURNEY HERE
From my early days as an executive in hospitality marketing and events to empowering people in business and life today, each moment represents the passion and dedication I bring to helping others succeed.
BS in Marketing; put myself through school, first graduate in internal family
Chased luxury & built a successful career as a marketing executive in NYC.
Was an accomplished mentor and leader, but burnt out and disconnected.
Listened to the internal voice and went on a mission to find my purpose
The path led me to the study of Jungian Psychology
Marwa - a rebirth from the depths of grief - created as a space to support and empower women through the many layers of their life journey, beyond their origin story and conditioning.
